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Wait. WEIGHT! From Photographer to Photographed. Thoughts from the other side of the lens.

Thursday, April 12, 2018 | By: Brenda Jankowski -Newtown PA photographer

OMG - What have I done? I don’t belong IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA !

Why did I book my own photo shoot?  In Paris?

 

Have you ever dreamed feeling like a model, feeling great about a photograph of yourself but let that voice in your head talk you out of it?

 

This is my journey experiencing the same emotions and thoughts you have when thinking about having your picture taken - the insecurities, the objections. All the reasons NOT to do it.

 

Today: WAIT - WEIGHT !

 

Part 1 explored if I am worth it. Just me, not the girls. Not to mention the $$$.  You can find it HERE

 

INSECURITY: WAIT – WEIGHT!

 

I probably should have waited until I lost those 10, I mean 20 (well 20+) pounds before scheduling this photo shoot.

 

I sure hope Ashleigh has a good retoucher that can make me look like I’m not carrying that much weight and the rolls, the bat wings..

 

I’m not so worried about the aging as I am about the weight, maybe that will change when I see the photos.

 

The weight issue was never more glaring as when I began to try on the outfits I had picked out to wear (oh how we manage to pick ourselves apart). Why don’t we obsess on the things we like about ourselves. Or do we just not take the time to look for those things?

 

RATIONAL THINKING: IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER

 

In reality I will still be a day older tomorrow and what if I never lose that weight? I have been clinging to these pounds for many, many years. Maybe I should change my words, because when you lose something you do your best to find it again. And I’m going to feel so good that I will look fantastic. Unless I still have jet lag and didn’t get any rest, had too much wine ….

 

I realize I hid from the camera for many years because I put on weight. So I don’t exist in photographs during this time. It doesn’t matter what weight I am. Whether I am the smallest person in the room, or the curviest, doesn’t make any difference who I am as a person.

 

Thinking realistically about losing weight, I realized that every week the most I could lose was 2 pounds anyway. So I am going to be 2 pounds better than I was last week? What is that all about? Nobody even notices 2 pounds. Yes you might notice 20, you might notice 30, you might notice 40 – but I think the fastest way to lose weight is to fall in love with yourself now. And then it doesn’t matter if I lose (I mean release) the weight or not. Every single day I get to wake up and say – I like the woman I am today.

 

Because, what I weigh is the least important thing. I just have to pick out the clothes that are the right color, style and fit.

 

HOWEVER – reality #2 – most of us need a deadline – and I have lost 5 lbs since I booked my shoot which won’t matter much in front of the camera, but will do wonders for my mental state.

Speaking of weight:

 

I’m not going to get away with just a carry on for this flight unless I want to wear gowns on a daily basis around Paris. I have heard that they are not as casual as Americans. But still.

 

I mean it looks like at least 2 suitcases. I wonder how much they are going to charge me for that. It’s how I was raised, everything gets at least a passing glance at $$. I should give myself a break, after all I will be gone for almost 2 weeks and I do need a special wardrobe. And I know people who need a suitcase for just their shoes (not joking).  I am just used to traveling lighter. But I am not sure how I am going to manage 2 suitcases around an airport.

 

Funny, I always tell my clients to bring everything they like because they can just throw it in their car (“It’s not like you’re going on a plane and have weight requirements”) Now I'm speaking from experience.

 

Next up: How do I decide what to wear?

It's about shining from the inside...

 

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 xoxo

brenPhotography is honored by your referral of family and friends. 

Thank you.

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3 Comments

Jun 3, 2018, 7:01:31 PM

Brenda Jankowski - Thanks Laurie- we never get over it. Even supermodels have something they don't like...

Jun 3, 2018, 11:28:10 AM

Laurie - Love this article!

Jun 3, 2018, 11:28:10 AM

Laurie - Love this article!

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